I was never sure what it meant to be a feminist. What I did know is I wanted to be one. Being overexposed to the f-word led to my imagining dozens of stereotypes that came with the label. She must be aggressive. Slogan-bearing, perhaps. She must be progressive, willing to fight for what she believes in. You know, equality, education, independence, all that jazz. She doesn’t have to be a ‘she’.

Take the example of a Punjabi girl, a tomboy who loved climbing imli¹trees as a child and refused to follow the rules. After marriage, she started her own business while raising five children. She learned a new language after the age of fifty and still works in her seventies. Does this description classify her as a feminist? Perhaps. I speak of my grandmother, who first changed homes when she walked from Pakistan to India at ten years. College never happened. Naniji² married in her teens to a man ten years her senior, and immigrated to the United States decades later. A mother of five and a grandmother of ten, her lifestyle reflects her womanhood. She prays every morning in a room dedicated to her God. Like many elderly women, she gossips, she cooks, and criticizes like no other. Although naniji has lived in the US for over two decades, she is an Indian nari (woman) through and through.

A woman born a decade later in Orissa was also a tomboy as a child. Her mother felt humiliated when she was born³ as the family was expecting a son. As a result, she was made to dress in boys’ clothes and cut her hair short. When she started menstruating, her mother confined her to a dark room for seven days⁴ so she wouldn’t interact with the males of the family. She eventually received a Masters as well as a PhD in literature, and published extensively on the female body, believing in sexuality as a form of liberation. Her name is Sarojini Sahoo. Mrs. Sahoo is married and is an avid blogger, openly discussing traditionally stigmatized topics such as the fear of rape, sexual fantasies, and the restrictions that come with menstruation and menopause.

I give these two examples because the latter is a self-described feminist while the former, my dear grandma, couldn’t care less what she’s called. I can only imagine how appalled my nani would be were she to read one of Mrs. Sahoo’s fairly candid musings on the orgasm. These two women couldn’t be any more different. And yet, they are strikingly similar in what they want out of life – the opportunity to express and celebrate their womanhood.

Even though I cannot see myself fasting for my husband on karva chauth⁵, it is something naniji firmly believes will help her spouse achieve a longer life. While my views might be more aligned with those of Mrs. Sahoo, I cannot dismiss those that are different from mine as being anti-feminist. I might not want to be a housewife when I grow up, but some do⁶. I could care less about my severe handicap in the culinary department, but my mother prides herself in being able to feed her family food they enjoy. Feminism is often perceived as anti-tradition. Going against the grain of society is what makes the term so radical.

One might argue that if a wife is not eating and the husband is, she is oppressed. If the wife is coerced into the practice, I might agree. However, when my grandmother fasts, it empowers her. At night, she dresses up in her finest jewelry and silk-embroidered sari. She performs the patient ritual of breaking the fast only when she sees the moon. Through the practice of karva chauth she is celebrating herself, her self-control, and her dedication to her marriage. This is how I am beginning to perceive feminism - being the woman you are and loving it.

I was never sure what it meant to be a feminist. What I did know is I wanted to be one. Regardless of whether I stamp myself with the label of the f-word, I am slowly discovering my identity through a process called life. As I become more comfortable with myself, I have a spectrum of individuals, my version of feminists, to give me inspiration. And that’s good enough for me.

1 imli is the Hindi word for ‘tamarind’

2 naniji is the respectful form of saying ‘maternal grandmother’

3 http://sarojinisahoo.blogspot.com/search?q=the+bicycle+and+me

4 http://www.indereunion.net/actu/sarojini/interSarojini.htm

5 a Hindu festival in which a woman fasts for the long life of her husband

6 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-412178/Nine-working-women-want-quit-housewives.html

7 the hijab is a head covering worn by Muslim women

8 http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/14/women.olympics2008

9 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hijab

10 http://welovehijab.com/

Photo Courtesy: crl!

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