Yes, I’m Indian. No, I don’t know Hindi.

By Niyantha Shekar 5 October 2008 1,110 views 12 Comments

Whenever my friends joked around in Hindi, I used to laugh along. It took a year of Hindi classes at university, however, to be able to figure out when I was the butt of the joke. I have offended India’s national language plenty of times in the past, just by speaking it with my I’m-sure-what-I’m-saying-makes-sense attitude. Since I grew up in the southern part of India, I had no real exposure to Hindi and as a result there was no necessity for me to learn it. It was when I changed high schools that I first decided to pick up what seemed to be a very simple language.

I had moved to a school where a lot of the student population spoke Hindi at home, and most of my Cricket team mates spoke in Hindi during our rides to the Cricket grounds. So I bought a book that promised to teach its readers spoken Hindi in 30 days. I was pumped and naive, and went about learning the language with vigor. After a couple of days, I decided to watch a Hindi movie to see how well I had picked it up. After watching 5 minutes of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai¹, I turned off the TV, closed the book and decided that I had better things to spend my time on. My dad might have learnt Hindi by watching Amitabh Bachchan² movies (40 a month, though I bet he was exaggerating) but I knew that this technique wasn’t going to work for me. The only Hindi I picked up from the celluloid were movie names and using phrases like ‘Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (Sometimes Happiness, Sometimes Sadness)’ and ‘Mujse Shaadi Karogi (Will You Marry Me?)’ in regular conversation would have been disastrous.

Later that year, I went to New Delhi with the rest of my classmates on a school trip. My Hindi speaking friend taught me how to say ‘I do not know Hindi’ in Hindi (Mujhe Hindi nahin aati). According to him it was the most important line to know for a tourist. In hindsight, he couldn’t be further from the truth, because the shop keepers there are always on the lookout to rip off anyone who can’t speak Hindi. My limited knowledge of Hindi, however, did not stop me from haggling. While my friends were conventional in their approach, “Bees rupay nahin, Dus” (I can’t give you Rs.20, only Rs.10), I took my approach to a much higher level - “Kal Ho Naa Ho³, bees rupay nahin, dus.” (There might not be a tomorrow, so I can give you only Rs. 10).

Currently, I have reached a stage where I can understand most of what my friends say when they speak in Hindi, but I do not possess the guts to reply in the same language. This is mostly because I run the sentence once through my head and then spout it out in a way reminiscent of a 4 year old trying to impress his mother with his rendition of ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’. While my mother responded with a loving smile 15 years ago, the expectations have risen quite a bit ever since.

“We are not laughing with you, we are laughing at you”

If only I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that.

Footnotes:
1 A Hindi movie starring Shahrukh Khan and Kajol. Click here for more.
2 An Indian actor
3 A Hindi movie starring Shahrukh Khan, Priety Zinta and Saif Ali Khan.

Photo Courtesy: VikrSol

12 Comments »

Anon said:

“I took my approach to a much higher level - “Kal Ho Naa Ho3, bees rupay nahin, dus.” (There might not be a tomorrow, so I can give you only Rs. 10).”

- it doesnt make sense…why would you bargain for Rs. 10 if there aint no tomorrow? Now thats Cheap!

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# 5 October 2008 at 5:36 am

Aditya said:

haha I must admit, Neon…that I was guilty of being part of the friends who spoke in Hindi on rides to cricket grounds, but kudos to you for trying to learn…I’d never dream of learning Tamil

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# 5 October 2008 at 5:44 am

Muneezeh said:

Nice picture, Niyantha. Did you find it yourself?

I love, love, love this article. I know what you mean, but for me it’s speaking a language that is spoken in India but not actually being Indian!

And I’m gonna try that “Kal Ho Naa Ho” line when I bargain in December.

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# 5 October 2008 at 10:38 pm

Girish said:

Haha I can totally relate to this one!

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# 5 October 2008 at 11:20 pm

Isha Paul said:

Being from the other side, and having spoken Hindi all my life, I found this piece very amusing. And next time, I will only talk to you in Hindi, and laugh WITH you when you don’t reply in Hindi.

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# 6 October 2008 at 3:18 pm

Nimisha said:

Very refreshing sense of humor.
I’m smiling.

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# 7 October 2008 at 12:38 am

Vikram said:

Just to clarify, Hindi is not India’s ‘national language’. India, in fact, does not have a national language. Hindi and English are the official languages of the Union Government, i.e. all the official business of the GoI and its departments is conducted in Hindi and English. The states all have their own official languages and their business is conducted in those languages.

I am not against Hindi or anything, but there is a big difference between a national and an official language. Thanks.

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# 7 October 2008 at 6:45 pm

VJ said:

Agreed .. and I think it was judicious of the people who drafted our Constitution to call it an ‘official’ rather than a ‘national’ language.

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# 7 October 2008 at 10:50 pm

amas said:

Very very funny article. Loved the part where you mention running the sentence(reply in Hindi) in your head once, before rendering it like a nursery rhyme. You have a good sense of humour.

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# 8 October 2008 at 7:24 am

S said:

Ha! It’s definitely tougher than it seems at first. I’m American, native english speaker taking Hindi for fun in college, and we use those colloquial Hindi books/cds, too. Haha they definitely can’t teach you the whole langguage in 30 days.

It’s still a fun language even though it can be frustrating. I love the devanagari script.

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# 21 October 2008 at 1:57 am

shakthi said:

he he!! i can totally relate myself to this!! especially wen u said tat u gotta frame the sentence in ur mind to reply 2 a frnd!! lol i burst out lafin to tat!! its so oftn happens to me!! by the time i reply my frn can actually guess wat m tryin 2 say!!

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# 21 February 2009 at 8:17 am

Sharell said:

An entertaining read! I’m a gori who’s trying to learn Hindi and I find that by the time I’ve composed my response, the conversation has well and truly headed off in another direction!! I’m forever running sentences through my head, both translating from Hindi and speaking Hindi.