Why Bollywood’s Not for Me

By Anand Jayanti 19 January 2010 68 views 2 Comments

Intended as a song but admittedly hard to read as one, the following prose can most fully be experienced with the aural assistance of this, the tune from which it was born.

That’s what I said, why’s Bollywood not for me?
Every time I listen here, every time I listen there,
All I see are people dancing, love is blooming everywhere.
But what have I got?
Oh, Bollywood’s not for me…

Le Jayenge, le jayenge,
Dilwale dulhania,
What if I’m gay?

I turn on the radio,
Try to change the TV show.

Na judaa honge hum,
Kabhi khushi,
I’m a bum.

Kaho naa pyaar hai,
Kaho naa,
Not today!

Scratch my head and squint my eyes.
Why’s Hrithik get the babes?
Is it just because he cries?

Chalo chale mitwa,
Now tell me, man, what am I to say?
Every time I try to call I hit a wall,
I message her but she’s always away, hey…
Show me a girl who doesn’t change her phone number
After the first date!

I turn off the radio and stand outside my backyard door,
But the music, it comes back, and I see a tree and flowers grow.
Out of nowhere comes a rainstorm and a woman wearing a bow.

I close my eyes and realize,
Man I’ve got nowhere I can go.
So what the heck, let’s give it a shot.
It’s only up I can go now, I’m the lowest of the low.
And so,
To the tune of “Pehla Nasha”,
Happily, hopelessly, stupidly in woe.

Mr. Shah Rukh Khan, oh how you do your hair!
Women, sets, songs, and the clothes you wear.
Tell me why can’t I waltz away,
With Madhuri every day,
Oh, why won’t Ash come into my life,
No matter how I pray!

What do you want from me?
I told you, Bollywood’s not for me….
Oh, what have I got?
Brother, Bollywood’s not for me…